Where's the Becky I was a year ago?

A year ago I walked into my house and told Brad I needed to be a yoga teacher more than anything and the I HAD to sign up for teacher training. I couldn't wait to do it and finish it so I could teach yoga already. I believed that teaching yoga was necessary for me to be happy.

I went through the program, discovering Ashtanga yoga at the same time, and it changed me a lot. My body is noticeably very different, but much more has changed. I understand more about yoga philosophy, diet, the poses themselves, and much more, but there is still so much to learn.

Now that I'm official (pending yoga alliance paperwork going through the system), I'm expected to teach yoga. I feel pressured to start teaching somewhere. That's what I've been working towards, right? I poured all of this money into it, now I should get to work and start making money, right? Well...I don't know.

Yoga was never about making money for me to begin with. I have a full-time job and a stable life style. I just love yoga and want to share it with others. Sure, yoga school plus books and workshops costs us a bit of money, but not THAT much. I've deepened my practice and stuck with it. My body has healed from the problems that used to cause daily pain. All that makes it worth it.

I feel like I know just enough to know that there's a WHOLE lot I don't know, and that makes teaching scary. I've got my free class at work still going, and I love that. There's no pressure there, and it's not a big committment. For some reason committing to a regular class outside of work terrifies me. Then again, teaching the free class at work terrified me and made me very nervous at first.

My job can be pretty stressful and busy at times, and it's a priority for me to be successful at work. Is balancing that with a regular yoga class going to be a problem? It shouldn't be. I had perfect attendance at teacher training without any problems. Teacher training was a big time commitment. I basically gave up my entire weekend every other weekend. Maybe that's why I'm scared to commit to a regular class now. I just got my freedom back. Obviously teaching won't take up that much time.

Then there's last week's subbing. Subbing 2 hot yoga classes in a row was HARD. I was very nervous and I did my best. I have a lot of room to grow, and I'm comparing myself to the best teachers, which isn't fair to myself. When I came home from subbing I was stressed, agitated, and anxious. I hope they liked it...I hoped they weren't disappointed. I should have talked louder and gone slower. Maybe I made it too hard... Yoga should be a stress reducer, not a cause of stress, but starting out as a new teacher is not easy.