Big Life Change

I've posted before about my life changes, from what I ate to who I spent my time with, where I lived, and what I did with my time. But now I'm at the beginning of the biggest life change of my life ever.

Marriage was a big deal, but it wasn't a sudden change. The wedding was formalizing a relationship that grew over a few years. No one was shocked. No one said, "Wow, I didn't think you would get married."

It really surprises me that people have reacted to the news that I'm pregnant with "I thought you were going to be childless!" Thanks, Dad. All you had to do was ask. It seemed obvious to me that it was the next step for me and Brad.

I'm in the middle of the first trimester which seems to take forever... in terms of morning sickness and everyone saying, "Don't worry that's only in the first trimester, it will pass soon." 7 more weeks seems like a long time to feel nauseous, but I guess it should be a comfort that it will go away at a predictable time. 

My biggest problem with the first trimester is the idea that it's supposed to be hush hush secret that I'm pregnant. This is something I've been working towards for years: getting my body in shape, getting our house, having 4-door reliable cars paid off, no debt, etc. And it's supposed to be a big secret! Why? Oh because I could have a miscarriage and it would be awkward. Seriously? That's a good enough reason to keep really exciting news to myself?! Seriously?

I went ahead and told my friends I see everyday, and my supervisor/team at work, because if I didn't, they'd worry about what's wrong with me. Why would I hold super exciting news in and worry people who care about me?

But, still I've kept the news off of Facebook and haven't told a lot of people yet, not because of fear of miscarriage, but because of fear of people thinking it's wrong for me to tell this early. I do recognize the possibility of miscarriage, but I try not to worry about it, and I'm just going on like everything is perfect until proven otherwise.

Now that the exciting news that I'm going to be a mother is out. OMG seriously? I'm going to be a mom? Oh crap, how do you keep an infant alive without breaking the law? I've always been the baby. I don't have much experience with babies. For now I'm just going to focus on keeping myself and my sweet pea sized child healthy.

A lot of people keep telling Brad and me that our lives are going to change a lot. First of all: NO DUH? SERIOUSLY? Yeah, we thought of that long before we started calculating ovulation days with charts.
Second, that implies that nothing changes until the baby is born. EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT RIGHT NOW! Obviously my body is changing and I have to be careful what I do and eat. I need more sleep, sometimes I feel like crap for a really good reason, so obviously my life is different, and of course that affects Brad too, since he lives with me.

Of all of the changes in my life now and when the child is born, the hardest one for me to handle emotionally is my yoga practice. My practice is very important to me and I give it 100% credit to my body and emotional state being ready for this. Of course I can still do yoga and I still should, but it's very different now. I'm not just thinking about me when I practice. I'm thinking about that little tiny heartbeat inside.

I've been attending Beryl Bender Birch's workshop this weekend. I signed up for it knowing we were trying to conceive, but not expecting to actually get pregnant this early. I've talked to my doctor, Nydia, and Sreedhara, and read the pregnancy section of every yoga book I have (that's a lot). Every book says something different, but it seems to be the consensus that I can do anything in the first trimester as long as I feel ok. Even my family doctor told me to listen to my body and that it will tell me if something isn't right for me.

The workshop is wonderful and I love it, but it is a new experience for me. I've been to a workshop with her before, that part is essentially this same, but I am different. I'm no longer pushing myself as far as I can. I'm doing child's pose instead of downward facing dog in sun salutations, skipping vinyasas between seated poses, not doing navasana or any tough ab work (because the books say not to and because it feels terrible), and not pushing very far into twists. Next weekend I'm going to David Swenson's workshop in Austin, and knowing what I know about him, I'll have no problem modifying my practice as I have been. You learn more from listening at workshops than from doing asana anyway.

I plan to continue to teach yoga as there's no reason for me practice every pose I teach. A good teacher isn't practicing while teaching anyway.